CHAPTER VIII

ON THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY

QUESTION I

Why Pastors should anxiously take care that the Christian People understand the Nature and Holiness of Matrimony

As pastors should propose to themselves the happy and perfect life of the faithful, their most earnest wish must be that of the apostle, when, writing to the Corinthians, he says: I would that ye all were even as myself, that is, that all should lead a life of continency; for there can be found no greater happiness in this life than for the soul, undistracted by worldly cares, every unruly desire of the flesh being tranquillized and extinguished, to repose in the one sole study of piety, and the contemplation of heavenly things. But as, according to the witness of the same apostle, every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that, and marriage is adorned with great and divine blessings, so as strictly and properly to hold a place amongst the other sacraments of the Catholic Church, and since its celebration was honoured by the presence of the Lord himself, it is obviously the duty [of the pastor] to expound its doctrine; particularly as we find that both St. Paul and the prince of the apostles have, in many places, minutely described to us not only the dignity, but also the duties, of the married state. For they, filled with the spirit of God, well understood how many and how important advantages might flow to Christian society, if the faithful possessed a knowledge of, and inviolably observed the sanctity of marriage; whilst they saw that, on the contrary, from ignorance or disregard of its holiness, the greatest calamities and evils would accrue to the Church. The nature and import of marriage must therefore be first explained; for whereas vices not unfrequently bear the semblance of virtue, care must be taken that the faithful, deceived by a false appearance of marriage, stain not their souls with turpitude and wicked lusts. To explain the subject, the pastor will begin with the meaning of the word Matrimony.

QUESTION II

Wherefore the holy bond of Matrimony is designated by the names “Wedlock,” or “Nuptials”

[This sacrament] is called matrimony, because the principal object which a female should propose to herself in marriage is to become a mother; or because to a mother it belongs to conceive, bring forth, and train up her offspring. It is also called wedlock, from the conjugal union of man and wife, because a lawful wife is attached to her husband, as it were, by the same yoke. It is moreover called nuptials, because, as St. Ambrose observes, brides veiled themselves through modesty; an observance which also seemed to imply that they should be obedient and subject unto their husbands.

QUESTION III

Definition of Matrimony

According to the general opinion of theologians, matrimony is defined the conjugal union of man and woman between legitimate persons, which is to last undiridedly throughout life. In order that the parts of this definition may be the better understood, it must be taught that, although a perfect marriage possesses all these conditions, viz. internal consent, external compact expressed by words, the obligation and tie which arise from that compact, and the marriage debt by which matrimony is consummated, yet the obligation and tie expressed by the word union alone have properly the force and nature of marriage. The word conjugal is added, because other sorts of compacts, by which men and women are bound mutually to assist each other either for payment or for some other reason, are altogether of a different nature from that of matrimony. Next follow the words between legitimate persons, because persons who are absolutely excluded from conjugal union by the laws cannot contract marriage, and if they do, the marriage is void. Persons, for instance, within the fourth degree of kindred, and a boy before his fourteenth year, or a girl before her twelfth, ages which have been established by the laws, cannot be fit to enter upon marriage validly. The concluding words, which is to last undividedly throughout life, express the indissoluble nature of the tie which binds husband and wife.

QUESTION IV

In what Marriage chiefly consists

Hence it is evident that in that tie consist the nature and import of marriage; for when other definitions of eminent divines seem to ascribe its nature and import to the consent, as when they say that marriage is the consent of the male and female, they are to be understood to mean, that the consent itself is the efficient cause of marriage, as was taught by the Fathers in the Council of Florence; for the obligation and tie cannot arise save only from the consent and compact.

QUESTION V

What sort of Consent is required in Marriage, and how it is to be declared

But that the consent be expressed in words that designate the present time is most necessary, for marriage is not a simple donation, but a mutual compact; and hence the consent of one of the parties only is insufficient, and that of both essential. Now to declare this mutual consent, it is obvious that words are necessary; for if marriage could consist of the internal consent only, without any external indication thereof, it would then seem also to follow, that if two persons living in the most separate and distant countries were to consent to marry, they would contract a true and stable marriage, even before one had mutually signified to the other his or her consent by letter or messenger, a consequence repugnant to reason, and opposed to the usage and decrees of the Church.

QUESTION VI

The mutual Consent of the Parties expressed in Words, which have reference to the future Time, is unavailing

Wisely, then, is it stated that the consent [of the parties] is to be expressed in words that designate the present time; for words that indicate a future time promise, but do not actually unite in marriage. Besides, what has to be done hereafter has evidently no present existence, and what has no existence can have little or no firmness or stability. Hence a promise of marriage to a woman gives the man no actual matrimonial rights; and, although he be bound to adhere to his engagement, the violation of which would convict him of a breach of faith, yet what a man has promised to do subsequently, he has not immediately fulfilled. But he who has entered into the matrimonial alliance, howsoever he may afterwards regret it, cannot possibly change, or invalidate, or undo the campact. As, then, the marriage contract is not a mere promise, but such a transfer of right, as that the man thereby actually yields the dominion of his body to the woman, the woman the dominion of hers to the man, it must therefore be made in words which designate the present time, the force of which words abides also after their utterance, and holds husband and wife bound by an indissoluble tie.

QUESTION VII

A Nod or other Sign may be sufficient, if Modesty, or any other impediment, hinder Consent being expressed in Words

In place of words, however, it may be sufficient for the validity of marriage to substitute a nod, or other unequivocal sign of inward consent: even silence, when the result of female modesty, may be sufficient, provided the parents answer for their daughter.

QUESTION VIII

Consummation not necessary to a true Marriage

Hence pastors will teach the faithful, that in the tie and obligation consist the nature and import of marriage; and that, beyond the consent of the parties, expressed in the manner already explained, consummation is not necessarily required to constitute a true marriage; for it is certain that our first parents, before their fall, when, as the Fathers bear witness, no consummation took place, were really united in marriage. Hence the holy Fathers say that marriage consists not in its consummation, but in the consent [of the parties]; a doctrine which we find repeated by St. Ambrose in his book on virgins.

QUESTION IX

Marriage twofold

These matters having been explained, it must next be shown that matrimony is to be considered in two points of view, either as a natural union (for marriage was not invented by man, but instituted by nature) or as a sacrament, the efficacy of which transcends the order of nature. And whereas grace perfects nature (howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is animal, afterwards that which is spiritual), the order of our matter requires that we first treat of matrimony as a natural contract, and as imposing natural duties, and next, as a sacrament.

QUESTION X

Who was the Author of Marriage considered as an office of Nature

In the first place, then, the faithful are to be taught that marriage was instituted by God; for it is written in Genesis: Male and female he created them: and God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply; and: It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a help like unto himself; and a little after: But for Adam there was not found a helper like himself. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and he slept, and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the Lord God builded the rib which he had taken from Adam into a woman, and brought her unto Adam; and Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man: therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh;” words which, according to the authority of our Lord himself, as we read in St. Matthew, show that matrimony was divinely instituted.

QUESTION XI

Matrimony, considered as an Institution of Nature, and especially as a Sacrament, cannot be dissolved

Not only did God institute marriage; but he also, as the holy Council of Trent declares, rendered it perpetual and indissoluble; for the Saviour says: What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. For although, as a natural contract, it belongs to marriage that it be indissoluble; yet its indissolubility arises chiefly from its nature as a sacrament; and this it is by which, in all its natural relations, it attains the highest perfection. Its dissolubility, however, is at once opposed to the care of bringing up an offspring, and to the other advantages of marriage.

QUESTION XII

Marriage is not obligatory on all

The words, increase and multiply, which were uttered by the Lord, do not tend to impose on every individual an obligation to marry, but to declare the object of the institution of marriage; for, now that the human race is increased, not only is there no law rendering the taking a wife obligatory on any one, but, on the contrary, virginity is highly extolled and strongly recommended in scripture to every one, as superior to the marriage state, and being in itself more perfect and holy; for our Lord himself has taught: He that can receive it, let him receive it; and the apostle says: Concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment as one that hath obtained mercy to be faithful.

QUESTION XIII

Why a Man and Woman ought to be joined in Marriage

But for what reasons man and woman should be joined in marriage, is a subject which demands explanation. The first reason of its institution is, that the very nature instinctively innate in both sexes tends to such an union; and it is sought with the hope of proving, under the discomforts of life and the feebleness of old age, a source of mutual aid and support. Another is the desire of family, not so much, however, with a view to leave after us heirs of our property and wealth, as to train up our children in the true faith and in the service of God; and this was the principal object of the holy patriarchs, when they engaged in the married state, as we learn from the sacred volume. Hence the angel, when informing Tobit by what means he should repel the violent assaults of the evil demon, says: I will show thee who they are, over whom the devil can prevail; for they who in such wise receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves and from their mind, and to give themselves to their lust, as the horse and mule, which have no understanding, over them the devil hath power. He then adds: Thou shalt take the virgin with the fear of the Lord, moved rather for love of children than for lust, that in the seed of Abraham thou mayest obtain a blessing in children. This was also the sole reason, why God instituted marriage from the beginning; and hence married persons, who by medicine either prevent conception, or procure abortion, are guilty of a most heinous crime, nothing less than a premeditated conspiracy to murder.

QUESTION XIV

Why Matrimony was instituted after Sin

The third reason is one, that has been added to other causes after the fall of our first parent, when, after the loss of the righteousness, in which man was created, appetite began to rebel against right reason. It is that he who is conscious of his own frailty, and is unwilling to bear the assaults of the flesh, may use marriage as a remedy against concupiscence: Because of fornication, says the apostle, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband; and soon after, having recommended to married persons a temporary abstinence from the marriage debt, to give themselves to prayer, he adds: Come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. These, therefore, are the ends, some one of which those who desire to contract nuptials piously and religiously, as becomes the children of the saints, should propose to themselves. If to those causes others be added, which induce persons to contract marriage, or, in making choice of a wife, to prefer one to another, such as the desire of leaving an heir, wealth, beauty, illustrious descent, congeniality of disposition, such motives, seeing they are not inconsistent with the holiness of marriage, are not to be condemned; nor do we find that the patriarch Jacob is condemned in scripture for having chosen Rachel, allured by her beauty, in preference to Leah. These are the instructions which the pastor will communicate to the faithful on the subject of marriage, as a natural contract.

QUESTION XV

Why Matrimony received the dignity of a Sacrament from Christ

But as a sacrament, it will be proper to explain that marriage belongs to a far superior order, and is referred to a far more exalted end. For as marriage, as a natural union, was instituted from the beginning for the propagation of the human race, so was it subsequently endowed with the dignity of a sacrament, for the procreation and education of a people in the religion and worship of the true God, and of our Saviour Christ. For when the Redeemer would give a token of that very close union which subsists between him and his Church, and of his boundless love towards us, he declares the dignity of this so great a mystery principally by the holy union of man and wife. Now the extreme aptitude of this illustration may be understood from this, that of all human relations no one is more binding among men than that of matrimony, and a man and woman in that relation are united in the closest bonds of affection and love. Hence is it that the sacred Scriptures frequently place before our eyes, by assimilating it to marriage, this divine union of Christ and his Church.

QUESTION XVI

How Marriage is a true Sacrament of the New Law

Now that marriage is a sacrament, has been at all times held by the Church as a certain and well-ascertained truth, in which she is supported by the authority of the apostle, who writes thus to the Ephesians: Men, says he, ought to love their wives as their own bodies: he that loveth his wife, loveth himself; for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as also Christ the Church; for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh. This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ, and in the Church. When [the apostle] says, This is a great sacrament, no one should doubt that he referred to marriage; as if he had said: The conjugal union of man and wife, of which God is the author, is a sacrament, that is, a sacred sign, of the most holy union by which Christ the Lord is united with his Church.

QUESTION XVII

How Matrimony is a Sacrament, is exinced from St. Paul’s words

That this is the true and proper meaning of his words is shown by the ancient holy Fathers, who interpreted that passage; and the Council of Trent has given to it the same explanation. The husband, therefore, is evidently compared by the apostle to Christ, the wife to the Church: The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church; and hence the husband should love his wife, and again, the wife should love and worship her husband, for Christ loved his Church, and gave himself for her; and again, as the same apostle teaches, The Church is subject to Christ.

But that by this sacrament also grace is signified and conferred, in which the nature of a sacrament principally consists, the council declares in these words: The grace which might perfect that natural love, and confirm that indissoluble union, and sanctify the wedded, Christ himself, the institutor and perfecter of the venerable sacraments, merited for us by his passion. It must therefore be taught, that, united in the bonds of mutual love, the husband and wife are enabled by the grace of this sacrament, to repose in each other’s affections, to seek no alien and illicit attachments, no criminal intercourse; and to preserve marriage honourable in all, and the bed undefiled.

QUESTION XVIII

How much the Matrimony of the Gospel is superior to the Matrimony of the Law of Nature, or of Moses

But how greatly superior the sacrament of matrimony is to those marriages which took place before or after the law, we may learn from the following considerations, although the Gentiles looked upon marriage as possessing some divine property, and therefore considered promiscuous intercourse inconsistent with the law of nature: they also held that fornication, adultery, and other licentious excesses should be repressed by law; but their marriages had nought whatever of the nature of a sacrament. Amongst the Jews the laws of marriage were observed far more religiously, and their marriages were doubtless endued with more holiness. For having received the promise, that in the seed of Abraham all nations should one day be blessed, it was justly deemed a duty of great piety amongst them to beget children, the offspring of a chosen people, from whom, as to his human nature, Christ our Lord and Saviour might be descended; but their unions also lack the true nature of a sacrament.

QUESTION XIX

Matrimony under the Law of Nature retained not, after the Fall, or under the Law of Moses, the Honour which it derived from God

Moreover, whether we consider the law of nature after the sin of Adam, or [the law] of Moses, we easily perceive that marriage had fallen away from its primitive honour and dignity. For under the law of nature we find, that many of the patriarchs wedded several wives at the same time; and, in the law of Moses, should cause exist, permission was subsequently given to dismiss one’s wife, having given her a bill of divorce; both which concessions have been removed by the gospel dispensation, and marriage restored to its pristine state. For that polygamy was at variance with the nature of marriage (some of the patriarchs, who, not without the permission of God, had a plurality of wives, are not, however, on that account to be accused), Christ our Lord shows in these words: For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be in one flesh. Wherefore, subjoins the Redeemer, they are no more twain but one flesh; words by which he plainly shows, that marriage was so instituted by God, as to be the union of two, and not more persons. This he most explicitly teaches elsewhere, for he says: Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another, committeth adultery against her; and if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery; for if a plurality of wives were lawful for a man, there would seem to be no more reason why he who marries a second wife, whilst he retains the first, should be said to be guilty of adultery, than if, having dismissed the first, he should unite to himself a second. Hence it is that if an infidel, in accordance with the law and custom of his country, had married several wives, the Church commands him, when converted to the faith, to regard the first only in the light of his true and lawful wife, and to relinquish all the others.

QUESTION XX

The Bond of Marriage indissoluble by Divorce

That marriage cannot be dissolved by divorce is easily proved from the same testimony of Christ our Lord; for if, after [giving] a bill of divorce the matrimonal link were dissolved, the wife might, without any guilt of adultery, wed another husband; yet our Lord expressly declares, that whosoever shall put away his wife, and shall marry another, committeth adultery. It is clear, therefore, that the bond of marriage can be dissolved by death alone; and this the apostle also confirms, when he saith: The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will, only in the Lord; and again: Unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, that the wife depart not from her husband; but, and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. Thus to her who has relinquished her husband for a just cause, the only alternative left by the apostle is to remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband; for the Church does not permit one to separate from, the other without most weighty reasons.

QUESTION XXI

Why it is expedient that Marriage be indissoluble

That the law of marriage may not appear to any one too rigorous, inasmuch as marriage may never on any account be dissolved, its beneficial consequences must be pointed out to the faithful. In the first place, they should understand that in the choice of a companion in matrimony, virtue and congeniality of disposition should be considered, rather than wealth or beauty; and by this consideration, we, no doubt, best regard the interests of society. Besides, if marriage were dissoluble by divorce, married persons could scarcely ever want causes of dissension, which the old enemy of peace and chastity would never fail to throw in their way; whereas, when the faithful reflect within themselves that, although even separated as to bed and board, they arc still held bound by the tie of marriage, and that all hope of wedding a second wife is cut off, they become slower to anger and dissensions; and if sometimes separated, feeling the regrets of separation insufferable, they are easily reconciled to their fellowship of living through the intervention of friends.

QUESTION XXII

Those separated by a Bill of Divorce may again be united

But here, the pastors must not omit the salutary admonition of St. Augustine, who, to convince the faithful that they should not deem it a hard thing to be reconciled to their penitent wives, whom they had put away for adultery, he asks: Why should not the faithful man receive his wife, whom the Church receives? Or, why should not the wife pardon her adulterous hut penitent husband, whom Christ hath pardoned? When the Scriptures call him, that keepeth an adulteress, foolish, it means an adulteress, who, after her delinquency, refuses to repent, and perseveres in the career of turpitude which she had commenced. From what has been said, therefore, it is clear that, to marriage amongst the Jews and Gentiles, the marriage of believers is far superior in perfection and dignity.

QUESTION XXIII

What are the Advantages arising from Marriage

The faithful are also to be taught, that there are three advantages of marriage, offspring, faith, and the sacrament; advantages which alleviate by compensation those evils which the apostle points out, when he says: Such shall have trouble in the flesh; and by which, the natural intercourse, which, without marriage, would be deservedly reprobated, is rendered an honourable union. The first advantage, then, is offspring, that is to say, children begotten from a true and lawful wife; an advantage which was so highly appreciated by the apostle, that he says; The woman shall be saved in childbearing. This, however, is not to be understood solely of the procreation of children, but also of the education and discipline by which children are reared to piety. Thus the apostle immediately adds: If she continue in faith; for the Scripture admonishes: Hast thou children? Instruct them, and bow down their neck from, their childhood. The same lesson is taught by the apostle; and of such an education the Scripture affords the most beautiful illustrations in the persons of Tobit, Job, and other patriarchs, eminent for holiness. But what are the further duties of parents and children, shall be more fully explained in the exposition of the fourth commandment.

QUESTION XXIV

What is Faith in Matrimony, and how it is to be preserved

The next advantage of matrimony is faith, not that habit of virtue with which we are imbued in baptism, but the fidelity which the husband plights to the wife, and the wife to the husband, by which they mutually deliver to each other the dominion of their persons, and promise to preserve inviolate the sacred engagement of marriage. This is an obvious inference from the words of our first parent on receiving his wife Eve, words of which, as the Gospel informs us, Christ our Lord afterwards approved: Wherefore, a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh. It is also to be inferred from these words of the apostle: The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Hence in the Old Law most justly were the heaviest chastisements ordained by the Lord against adulterers, because they violate this conjugal faith. Matrimonial faith also demands, that the husband and wife be united by a certain singular, holy, and pure love, a love not such as that of adulterers, but such as that which Christ cherisheth towards his Church; for this is the model of conjugal love proposed by the apostle, when he says: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the Church; and very great indeed was the love wherewith Christ embraced his Church, not a selfish love, but a love that proposed to itself the sole interest of his spouse.

QUESTION XXV

What is a Sacrament, when it is enumerated among the Advantages of Matrimony

The third advantage is called the sacrament, that is, the indissoluble tie of marriage; for as we read in the apostle: The Lord commandeth that the wife depart not from the husband. But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband; and let not the husband put away his wife. If, as a sacrament, marriage is significant of the union of Christ with his Church, it follows that, as Christ never separates himself from his Church, so a wife, as far as regards the tie of marriage, can never be separated from her husband. But the more easily to preserve this holy union undisturbed by complaints, the duties of husband and wife, as inculcated by St. Paul, and by Peter the prince of the apostles, must be set forth.

QUESTION XXVI

Chief Duties of a Husband

It is then the duty of the husband to treat his wife courteously and with honour; and herein it should be recollected that Eve was called by Adam his companion: The woman, says he, whom thou gavest me as a companion; and hence it was, in the opinion of some of the fathers, that she was formed not from the feet but from the side of man; as, on the other hand, she was not formed from his head, in order to give her to understand that she was not to command, but rather to obey, her husband. It is also becoming that the husband be constantly occupied in the exercise of some honest pursuit, with a view as well to provide the necessaries for the sustenance of his family, as to avoid the languor of idleness, from which almost every vice flows. He is also to keep his family in order, to correct their morals, and keep them steadfast in their respective employments.

QUESTION XXVII

Duties of a Wife

On the other hand, the duties of a wife are thus enumerated by the prince of the apostles: Let wives be subject to their husbands; that if any believe not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation with fear; whose adorning let it not be that outward plaiting of the hair, or of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel, but the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, of a quiet and a meek spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner, in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. It should also be a principal study of theirs to train up their children in the practice of religion, and to take particular care of their domestic concerns. Unless compelled by necessity to go abroad, they should willingly keep themselves at home; and should never venture to leave home without the permission of their husbands. Again, and in this the conjugal union chiefly consists, let them always remember that, next to God, they are to love no one more than their husband, to esteem no one more highly, yielding to him in all things not inconsistent with Christian piety, the most willing and cheerful obedience.

QUESTION XXVIII

What is to be thought of the Rites observed in Marriage

It will be consequent upon the explanation of these matters, that pastors next proceed to instruct their people in the rites to be observed in the administration of marriage; on which, however, it is not to be expected that precepts should here be delivered, whereas the principal things to be observed on this head have been accurately, and at great length determined by the holy Council of Trent, nor can pastors be unacquainted with that decree itself. It is, therefore, sufficient to admonish them to study to make themselves acquainted, from the doctrine of the sacred council, with what regards this point, and to expound it diligently to the faithful.

QUESTION XXIX

Clandestine Marriages are not valid

But above all, lest young men and girls, who are of an age marked by extreme weakness and indiscretion of disposition, deceived by the misapplied name of nuptials, may rush incautiously into criminal love-engagements, [pastors] must very frequently remind them that, without the presence of the parish-priest, or of some other priest licensed by him or by the ordinary, and that of a certain number of witnesses, the ceremony cannot be real, nor can there be any valid marriage.

QUESTION XXX

It is also proper to state the Impediments of Marriage

The impediments also to marriage are to be explained, a subject so diligently treated by many grave and erudite writers on morality, as to render it an easy task for pastors to draw from their labours, particularly as they have occasion to have such works continually in their hands. The instructions, therefore, which they contain, and also the decrees of the council with regard to the impediments arising from spiritual relationship, from the justice of public honesty, or from fornication, pastors will peruse with attention, and take care to expound to the people.

QUESTION XXXI

The Dispositions with which Men should approach the Sacrament of Marriage

From what has been said, may be learnt the dispositions with which the faithful should approach the sacrament of marriage; for they should consider themselves as about to engage, not in a human but a divine work; and the example of the fathers of the Old Law, by whom marriage, although not endued with the dignity of a sacrament, was deemed a most holy and religious rite, evinces the singular integrity of soul, and the piety, which should be applied [to this sacrament].

QUESTION XXXII

The Consent of the Parents is required for the Soundness of Matrimony

But, amongst other matters, the children are most earnestly to be exhorted to pay to their parents, or to those under whose care and authority they are placed, the tribute of respect not to engage in marriage without their knowledge, still less in defiance and repugnance of their wish. For it may be observed, that in the Old Testament, children were always given in marriage by their fathers; and that to the will of fathers is to be paid in this matter the greatest deference, the apostle seems also to indicate in these words: He that giveth his virgin in marriage; doth well: and he that giveth her not, doth better.

QUESTION XXXIII

Instruction touching the Use of Marriage

The last subject regards the use of marriage, a subject which pastors must approach with becoming delicacy, taking care that no expression that may be unfit to meet the ears of the faithful, that may be calculated to offend pious minds, or excite laughter, fall from their lips. The words of the Lord are pure words; and, therefore, the teachers of a Christian people should make use of such language as is characterized by singular gravity and integrity of soul. Two lessons of instruction are then to be specially enjoined upon the faithful; the first, that marriage is not to be used from motives of sensuality or pleasure, but that its use is to be restrained within those limits, which, as we have already shown, are prescribed by God. They should be mindful of the exhortation of the apostle: They, says he, that have wives, let them be as those that have not. The words of St. Jerome also [deserve attention]: A wise man, says he, ought to love his wife, with judgment, not with the impulse of passion: he will govern the impetuosity of desire, and will not be hurried into indulgence. There is no greater turpitude than that a husband should love his wife as he would an adulteress.

QUESTION XXXIV

Husbands should sometimes abstain from the Marriage Debt

But as all blessings are to be obtained from God by holy prayers, the faithful are also to be taught sometimes to abstain from the marriage debt, in order to devote themselves to prayer and devotion to God. And this religious continence, according to the proper and holy injunction of our fathers, they should particularly observe for at least three days previous to receiving the holy Eucharist, and frequently during the solemn fast season of Lent. Thus will they find the blessings of marriage to be augmented daily, by a constantly increasing accumulation of divine grace; and, living in the pursuit and practice of piety, they will not only spend this life in tranquillity and comfort, but will also rest on the true and firm hope, which maketh not ashamed of attaining, through the goodness of God, life eternal.