A Smile or Two

News From The Domestic Church

News From The Domestic Church

A Smile Or Two 🙂

Get Me To The Church On Time

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn’t be late for church. As she ran she kept praying, “Dear God, please don’t let me be late to church. Please don’t let me be late to church….” And, as she was running she tripped and fell. When she got back up she began praying again,

“Please, God don’t let me be late to church — but don’t shove me either!”

submitted by: Jackie Galloway

The Atheist and the Loch Ness MonsterThe Atheist and the Loch Ness Monster

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Help me!” At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!” “Come on God, give me a break!!,” the man pleaded.

“Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!”

submitted by: Jewell Carter

You Know You Are Living In The 2000’s When…..

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
7. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
8. When you go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in a business-like manner.
9. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a “9” to get an outside line.
10. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
11. Your company’s welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
12. You have your resume on a diskette.
13. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.
14. Your supervisor doesn’t have the ability to do your job.
15. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
16. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
17. It’s dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.
18. You know exactly how many days you’ve got left until you retire.
19. You see a good looking, smart person and you know it must be a visitor.
20. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
21. You’re already late on the assignment you just got.
22. There’s no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss’s boss on strategy.
23. Vacation time is something you roll over to next year.
24. Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone you DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WORKED THERE is leaving.
25. Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers”.

submitted by: Jewell Carter

PrayerPrayer

The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a huge amount of material on the midterm exam.

Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall.

The following week the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, “Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me. He said, “Thanks, professor. I haven’t heard from some of those people in years!”

submitted by: Jackie Galloway